[[ pre-dawn, milliways, upstairs ]]

[almosthonorable]

whitetextiswhite

[ the lonely light of morning ]


He's blinking in the darkness, already upright and swinging his legs over the side of the bed before he knows why.

Then the rapping -- light but insistent -- registers.

"Hold on just a minute, gotta -- "

He yanks on his pants and pulls his undershirt over his head, then pads to the door barefoot.

"The hell's the -- "

He's squinting, running his free hand through his impressive case of bed-head.

" -- Kate?"

Comments

[ikissdhimbck]

Her eyes are earthward, and for a long time she doesn't respond.

Then she shakes her head, slowly.


"It isn't mine."

[almosthonorable]

He rises and tugs the quilt from his bed.

Crossing the space between them, he wraps the thick patchworked cotton around her slight shoulders and crouches, trying to catch her eyes.

"Start at the beginnin' for me, Kate. Somethin' happen at the schoolhouse?"

[ikissdhimbck]

"No..."

She's starting to feel frustrated. Why is this so hard?

"It was Trout. He saw us and... he's the one who ruined the school, and the sheriff wouldn't come..."

She swallows thickly.

"He shot him. Took his boat out and... I was right there, Ben, and I couldn't... he was just so much stronger..."

She knows she isn't making much sense, but her brain is still shrouded with fog from the events of her day.

[almosthonorable]

"Trout," he echoes evenly.

'The sheriff wouldn't come.'

"The mayor's son?"

[ikissdhimbck]

She nods.

"If it weren't for that god damned motorboat, we would have made it."

[almosthonorable]

The lines around his mouth tighten.

"Why'd he do this to you and your friend?"

[ikissdhimbck]

Her brow creases.






At length, she looks up, blue eyes catching blue.





"Because it's against the law for a negro to kiss a white woman."

[almosthonorable]

"Christ -- "

He rocks back on his heels, ass hitting the hardwood; an elbow rests on one knee while he drags a hand through his hair.

"I'll see if Miss Bar'll loan us a Peacemaker for you."

[ikissdhimbck]

Something subtle flickers across her features, her eyes widening ever-so-slightly in hopefulness.

"An' you'll show me? You'll teach me what you know about shootin'?" she murmurs.

[almosthonorable]

"Doc know 'bout this?"

It's not an answer, but it's not a 'no,' either.

[ikissdhimbck]

Given the way her face falls, that was entirely the wrong question to ask.

But she doesn't flinch from his gaze.

"I'm not askin' Doc. I'm askin' you."

Carefully, she leans forward, placing her small, cold hands on either side of his face.

"Please, Ben. You said if I ever ran into any trouble, that I should come find you.

"Well, I'm in trouble, Ben. I need you. Please?"

Her eyes search him out desperately.

"Please?"

[almosthonorable]

"No, I meant -- I'm askin' if he knows 'bout -- "

The look on her face and her palms on his cheeks cause his ribs to tighten.

"If he knows 'bout what happened."

[ikissdhimbck]

She nods almost imperceptibly.

"Yeah."

She looks guilt-stricken.

"Yeah he does."

[almosthonorable]

He eases her hands from his face, thumbs rubbing the inside of her wrists before he gives her hands a gentle squeeze.

"Is he gonna help you take care of this mess in Green Lake?"

[ikissdhimbck]

Her eyes instinctively shift to his hands when he touches her, watching his movements carefully.

(There are bruises on her arms that are just beginning to set, tender and raw.)

Swallowing again, she shakes her head, keeping her gaze down.

[almosthonorable]

He lifts his hands, the movement slow and easy.

"Want me to?"

[ikissdhimbck]

Another shake of her head.



"I gotta do it."

[almosthonorable]

He almost argues.

He sets his jaw instead, and reaches for his boots.

[ikissdhimbck]

She watches him quietly, her heart pounding.


"Thank you."

[almosthonorable]

His eyes are on the laces as he shakes his head.

"Thank me when it's done."

A beat.

"And when you walk back in here in one piece."

[ikissdhimbck]

She nods slightly, though she knows he won't be able to see her.

It's another quiet moment before she moves again, this time to reach her small hand forward. She lightly places it on top of his bed-stricken hair.

And lets twin teardrops fall to her knees.

[almosthonorable]

His hands leave the ties and he looks up.

Christ, he feels old right now.

"Kate, you've been through somethin' awful -- you want some time before we do this?"

[ikissdhimbck]

She shakes her head quickly, glassy eyes meeting his unflinchingly.

"No. I'm ready."

Despite the red in her eyes, and her swollen skin, there's a resoluteness to her expression.

A coldness that perhaps hadn't been there before.

[almosthonorable]

He stands, quiet and somber as he holds her gaze.

"You want this to work, you gotta be."

[ikissdhimbck]

She blinks, but doesn't flinch back.

"Ben?"

Her voice is smooth like properly aged whiskey, calm and controlled.

"In the last three days... I've fallen out with the man here I wanted to love. I've lost his confidence... if I ever had it to begin with. I watched my schoolhouse burn... Watched a good man, and daresay I loved him too, get shot down, and left for the birds to pick at... Been condemned to hellfire itself... And, for the second time in my life now, I've lost everything that has ever meant anything to me."

I ain't got nothing left.

And I'm tired of runnin'.

She blinks away the sheen from her eyes.

"I'm about as ready as they come."