[[ milliways, upstairs ]]

[almosthonorable]

whitetextiswhite

[ halos and horns ]


It's too damn still in Ben's room.

(but it's not the stillness, it's the emptiness)

Which is why he finds himself outside Esfir's door, knocking quietly.

"Lieutenant?"

Comments

[aimedforthemoon]

There are many bad things about having a heightened metabolism. One of them was that alcohol got processed so much faster. It had only been a few hours since she'd seen Katya, but Esfir was already fighting off the backstages of her hangover. Which explains her expression when she opens the door, an expression that changes to something sharper and worried.

"Come in," she says, letting the door swing open. "What's wrong?"

[almosthonorable]

He steps in with a nod of thanks (and Lord, is he glad she's here) and gives her a tired smirk.

"Somethin' gotta be wrong for me to come see you, sunshine?"

[aimedforthemoon]

"No." She shuts the door behind him and leans against it, nursing her glass of water. "But when you look like that, Venya, something is wrong."

[almosthonorable]

He wonders when he got so easy to read, but for the moment, he doesn't care.

(Right now, if he's honest with himself, part of him welcomes it.)

Crossing the room, he takes a seat on the edge of the bed and he nods toward the glass in her hand; the slow sips she's taking haven't escaped his notice.

"You feelin' all right?"

[aimedforthemoon]

"Hungover. When Weyland brought me back, he decided to...tinker. Improve the original. I heal a lot faster now, because my metabolism is sped up. But it means I get drunk a lot faster, and so I run through the hangover a lot faster."

Sip.

"It's a bitch."

Sip.

"And I saw Katya - Katerina Barlowe - downstairs before. So, there was vodka."

Not that Esfir has ever needed an excuse.

[almosthonorable]

"Yeah, I ran into her myself."

He resists the urge to scrub his face.

"How'd she seem to you?"

[aimedforthemoon]

Esfir is silent for a moment.

"Better than before. Not so much...like an awkward, startled rabbit. But, honestly? She...she spoke worse than before. Before, it was proper grammar along with her accent and how you speak. But now, it was all...bad. As if she...wanted to be someone different."

Beat.

"Which is also like before, just after she came back after doing those things. You saw her then, yes? All cold and lady-like? Same thing, but different way of doing it."

[almosthonorable]

I think she is someone different.

He lets out a breath and studies Esfir a long minute.

"She's different, all right. Kept tryin' to convince me she's a bad person, a dangerous woman."

His expression darkens.

"And she is dangerous, but not in the way she thinks."

[aimedforthemoon]

"No, she was like that before. I meant...well, obviously she is different. I mean different from before I was killed. She's mean through things, it changes you and you can't go back. But she's...

She's trying to be different. Like, like she's been told 'when you are bad, this is how you act'. It's not really a natural change."

[almosthonorable]

"That's a good way of puttin' it," he says with a nod. "Tryin' to force a shoe that don't fit."

A beat.

"You mind if I take off my boots?"

[aimedforthemoon]

Beat.

"You walked into my room wearing your boots. And I didn't notice. Off, now, Ben. By the door." She shifted and drained the glass.

"I...I'm going to fill this up. I'll be back."

Moving carefully, she padded over to the bathroom and filled up the glass again. Instead of moving back into the room, she sat down in the doorway with one bare foot on the cool tiles.

[almosthonorable]

His answering yes, ma'am is only half-joking. He's quick to comply, then re-settles on the bed.

"You want me to get you anything? I don't care to run back downstairs."

He'll even remember to remove his boots at the door when he returns.

[aimedforthemoon]

"In the draw over there, there should be a packet of plain biscuits. Just throw them over. Please?"

[almosthonorable]

He investigates, frowning at the drawer.

"No biscuits -- "

Not the buttermilk kind he's familiar with, anyway.

He roots around a little more.

"Crackers, though. How 'bout crackers?"

[aimedforthemoon]

Gamely, she resists the urge to giggle. More from her hangover than any thought for his feelings, though.

"Yes. Crackers."

[almosthonorable]

Gentleman that he is, he doesn't toss the packet; he hand-delivers it.

Once he's back on the bed, he stifles a You were keepin' breakfast in that drawer and never told me? and makes himself comfortable, instead.

He's staring at the ceiling when he eventually speaks.

"I think I got it figured, Fira."

[aimedforthemoon]

Ah, food. Plain, simple, crunchy, food.

"Oh?"

[almosthonorable]

"It's self-control."

He props himself up on an elbow to look at her.

"The best outlaws keep it closer'n their gun, 'cause it's an important thing."

A pause.

"You've got it -- hell, you've got it in spades. Seein' what you're able to do out there," and he points to the ceiling, "the way you push somethin' to its limits without breakin' it to pieces? I've seen you do things I didn't think was possible."

[aimedforthemoon]

"Because I'm trained," she says slowly, watching him carefully. "It's part of the training. Bad pilots don't last long."

[almosthonorable]

"Same goes for folks in my line of work."

He sits up, resting his palms on his knees.

"Charlie Prince, he used to be my right-hand man. Charlie was crazy and unpredictable, but he was loyal to me to a fault. With Charlie, I didn't always know what he was gonna do, but I knew I could count on him in a pinch. I knew if he did somethin' crazy, he'd keep it contained."

He shakes his head slightly.

"With Kate the way she is right now, it's different. She's like a stick of dynamite sweatin' in the sun. If there's an explosion, she's gonna take half a town with her. And that -- "

He re-focuses on Esfir.

"Is what makes her so dangerous."

[aimedforthemoon]

Her eyes sharpen.

"Yes," she says, softly. "Yes, that's it."

[almosthonorable]

He flops onto his back and closes his eyes.

"Didn't really wanna be right this time."

[aimedforthemoon]

Esfir sighs, picks herself up off the floor and walks over to the bed. Putting the crackers and glass down on her bedside table, she crawls next to him.

"You'd rather still be guessing?"

[almosthonorable]

He shifts to help make her more comfortable and trails a hand along her forearm without opening his eyes.

"No, I reckon not."

[aimedforthemoon]

There you go, then.

She's silent for a moment, and then, "anything we can do?"

[almosthonorable]

He thinks on that, then turns his head to press a kiss to her forehead.

"God's honest truth? I don't know."

[aimedforthemoon]

"Well. At least you're honest, Venya,"

[almosthonorable]

That earns a chortle.

"Well, there is that."

He studies her, eyes tracing her cheekbones, jawline, her mouth and chin, and --

"I ever tell you that's a helluva tan?"

Smirk.

[aimedforthemoon]

"No," she says, and pokes him in the ribs.

[almosthonorable]

"You're lucky you're hungover."

[aimedforthemoon]

"You sound so sincere when you say that, too."

[almosthonorable]

"It's 'cause I am."

He wraps an arm around her shoulders.

"See?"

[aimedforthemoon]

"Oh. Yes. Very lucky." But her voice is muffled by his body, and she's wriggled closer, and that counters the sarcasm somewhat.

[almosthonorable]

"Mm-hmm."

His fingers trace shapeless patterns on her upper arm once she's settled.

"I ain't the sort to take advantage, y'know."

[aimedforthemoon]

It's hard to pause when one is already still, but she manages.

"...not in these circumstances, no..."

[almosthonorable]

Wryly, "I meant of your current weakened state."

[aimedforthemoon]

Esfir lifts her head.

"...there are so many things I could say to that, I don't know where to start."

[almosthonorable]

His lips twitch.

"You know what I like about you?"

[aimedforthemoon]

"I'm sure you are about to tell me."

[almosthonorable]

"I am, indeed. Assumin' you wanna hear it."

[aimedforthemoon]

"I'll be brave."

[almosthonorable]

His chin quivers briefly with a suppressed chuckle.

"Damn near everything."